Tristan had his second game last Wednesday. The boys had been very fired up about the game because it was against the team that eliminated them in the playoffs last year. The coach had been ranting about this team and how we had to kick their butts and grab back the bragging rights. Some of the boys on the team were actually having a hard time because coach had made it into such an important game that they were afraid of making a mistake and "letting the team down." Tristan was not one of those boys. He was just pumped to get in there and kick some Eagle Rock butt. The energy level in the car on the way to the game was through the roof. We were taking Dylan to the game as well (Kim was going to be a little late so I had the boy.) The boys were chanting, cheering, and pumping their fists in the air all the way to Tautphus Park. Mom and I smiled a lot. They were just so much fun to listen to.
The boys are supposed to get to the game an hour early so they can warm up real good and get some plays worked on before the game. That extra hour just fired the boys up more.
Tristan plays defense, so he wasn't on for the first part of the game. When we got our first touchdown and subsequent field goal, we turned the ball over to Eagle Rock. Tristan still wasn't called to the field, but that's okay, there are 28 boys and everybody needs a chance to play. Ty showed up after the first quarter and joined us in cheering the team on. The second half began and still no Tristan on the field. We (Mom, Ty, Kim, and I) commented that it was strange that Tristan hadn't played yet, but we still weren't too worried.
Third quarter ended with still no play time for Tristan. Had he been overlooked? When forth quarter was about half over, Ty was more miffed than I and went over to the coaches to ask why the problem. He came back steaming. The coach he spoke to told him that we just had to win this game and that it wasn't just Tristan, 10 boys hadn't played yet! Ty's response, "You need to play those boys!" and he stalked back to us. Oh, BTW, the score was now us 14 them 12. The game continued and ended with no change to the players on the field.
I was irritated when I thought Tristan had been overlooked, but finding out that he had been intentionally left out along with 9 other kids had me steaming! We had won the all important game, so (most of) the boys were very excited as we joined together for the brief after-game meeting. Ty had left before the meeting commenting, "I'm gonna go now before I say something very stupid to one of those men." The coaches were all smiles and kept congratulating the boys on their victory. As I looked at the boys, most were happy, but there were some very disappointed boys sitting in that circle. Including my baby, who was trying very hard to keep it together and not cry in front of his teammates. After the trophies had been awarded and the team cheer had been yelled, we headed back to the car. Away from his teammates and out of the bright lights, Tristan finally broke down. I was SOO pissed off. Even now, my teeth are clenching as I write about it. I put my arm around my baby and with my own voice cracking, I tried to tell him that it was okay. He cried most of the was home. He commented, "I didn't even need to be there tonight," and, "I wanted to win, but not like this." I was STEAMING mad. I spent the entire night thinking up things to say and do to the coach, but very little sleeping happened.
How can a coach consider it a victory when he has broken the hearts of over a THIRD of his team? Didn't he say during our first practice that he didn't care if a kid was the greatest player on the team, if he played with heart, he would always get a chance to play? There were 10 little boys that night with great big hearts that had them stomped all over by a heartless, greedy coach. I wish I could talk to those men and make them see. But, honestly, what good would it do. First of all, it's done and nothing can change what's been done. Second, if I try to discuss this, I will get angry again and when I feel any emotion strongly, I cry. Joy, fear, anger, sadness? They all result with me in tears. How effective would that be? I would be brushed off as an emotional, over sensitive girl and wouldn't be taken seriously.
My father pointed out that we paid to have our son play on this team. "If you pay, you play!" was his admonition. I guess that's true, but I really don't care about the money. I care about the feelings of those little boys who wanted to play for love of the game. Who wanted to "show off" to their families and friends who had taken time out of their lives to support them. Who worked their butts off for the week before, only to be ignored on game night. GRRRRRR!!!!! As you can see, I still get worked up about this.
For days after, every time I thought about it, my stomach would tighten and my jaw would tighten. The coaches promised that every boy who didn't play last Wednesday would get their chance to play in our next game. That's good, I guess. The snotty girl in me says, "Yeah, since these games don't matter!" But what happens if we make the play-offs and we meet up with this team again? Will ten little boys be left out again for the sake of victory? Sure, we won the game, but at what cost?
3 comments:
Jarad coaches the 7-8 year old soccer team at USAFA. I got to help him rotate the kids through the positions and on and off the bench. We tried to be fair but it can be difficult. After his game, he helped ref the 9-10 year old group. There was a heavier kid named Josh on one of the teams. He was on Jarad and Emmalee's team last spring. (Emmalee is playing in the city league.) They had enough kids on his team so that only one had to sit out at a time. If it had been me I would have had one kid a quarter sit out and then have a different four sit out the next game. The coach of this team had Josh sit out two quarters. The other quarters a heavier girl sat out. It made me so mad. I am still mad and your story has made me more mad. I think it is too bad that winninig has to be so important at that age. I think that I am going to talk to the USAFA youth sports director. (Sorry this was such a long comment.) I hope the rest of the season goes better.
I am so sorry to hear of this happening to Tristan. Nothing makes me more mad at youth sports than this. When my kids started soccer the most important thing was that they pay attention and have fun. That is what is important, not the win.
These kids are learning nothing by this mans example. If anything good comes out of this is that when those boys become coaches for their kids teams, they will make sure that everyone plays and has a great time.
(((Big hugs Tristan!)))
that really stinks. I can't understand why it can't just be a contest. Why can't it just be a game and at the end you can say, "Wow, you were better than me, good job!" Ug. That's one of the reasons I don't have any of my kids in sports. that and I'd have to drive them there! You're a good mom, Tristan will come out okay, but it sure sucks.
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